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Random Facts About Jack Bauer...

In honor of almost finishing the first season of 24 I post here some random facts about Jack Bauer. I got them all from http://www.notrly.com/jackbauer/ but be warned that there are spoilers in that site for the rest of the seasons. These are my favorites and pretty much spoiler-free.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.

In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?

If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".

Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them."

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.

Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why? Because He's a pussy.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

G.I. Joe has Jack Bauer action figures.

When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

It is a known fact that when Time magazine awards "The Man of Year*", there is fine print on the bottom of the cover that says, " *besides Jack Bauer."

In order to control illegal immigration in the United States, the president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along the US/Mexico border.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.

Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.

On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.

Jack Bauer once went into a bar, and asked for a 'Jack Bauer'. He received three shots of Jack Daniel's, a shot of kerosene and four shots of tequila mixed. When seeing this, another man approached the bar and asked for a Jack Bauer. He got a 9mm round to the face.

Jack Bauer teaches a course at Harvard entitled: "Time Management: Making the Most Out Of Each Day."

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.

My parents told my little brother and I that Jack Bauer was "just a television character". We are now orphans.

If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

Happy Easter Everybody

The Easter Bunny Fucking Hates You

More Addictive Than A Mooby-Meal...

I just finished reading a book that was on Oprah's Book Club. It was the story about how the author went to rehab and kicked his addiction to crack and alcohol. It was a memoir. It later turned out that most of what he wrote was actually fiction. It never happened and he just passed it off as truth. Well I just read a story about recovery that was more true and more compelling than this guy's fiction. It is the story of Jason Mewes (otherwise known as Jay).

In his blog, the ironically titled "My Boring Ass Life", Kevin Smith has started posting the long story of how Jay kicked heroin, crack, cocaine, pain pills and alcohol. Its a very good read and funny as hell. I recommend you guys read it since we have followed these people for so long that they almost feel like family.

Part 1:
http://silentbobspeaks.com/?p=235

Part 2:
http://silentbobspeaks.com/?p=236

Part 3:
http://silentbobspeaks.com/?p=237

Part 4:
http://silentbobspeaks.com/?p=239

Part 5:
http://silentbobspeaks.com/?p=240

Part 6:
http://silentbobspeaks.com/?p=241

Part 7:
http://silentbobspeaks.com/?p=242

Part 8:
http://silentbobspeaks.com/?p=243

V Corrected ( I like this movie)

V: I can assure u I mean u no harm

Natalie: Who are you?

V: Who… who is but the form following the function of what and what i am is a man in a mask

Natalie: Well i can see that

V: Of course u can I’m not questioning your powers of observation I’m merely remarking on the paradox of asking a masked man. Who he is?

Natalie: Oh right

V: But on this most auspicious of nights permit me then in luu of the more common place supriclay to suggest the character of this dramatis persona

V: Viola! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the Vox-populi, now vacant, vanished, However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose so let me simply add that it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

Natalie: Are you like a crazy person.

V: I’m quite sure they may say so.

V: but to whom may I ask am I speaking too.

Natalie: I’m Evey.

V: Evey E V of course you are.

Natalie: What does that mean?

V: It means that I like god do not play with dice and do not play with coincidences.
Are you hurt?

Natalie : No Im Fine Thanks too you

V: Oh I merely played my part but tell me do you enjoy music Evey

Natalie: I suppose

V: You See I’m a musician of sorts and I’m on my way to give a very special performance

Natalie:What kind of musician

V: Percussion instruments are my specialty but tonight I intend to call upon the entire orchestra for this particular event and would be most honored if you could join me

Natalie: I don’t think so I think I should be getting home

V: I promise you it will be like nothing you have ever seen and afterwards you’ll return home safely.

V

This is probably wrong but kool anyway

Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.