Random Facts About Jack Bauer...
In honor of almost finishing the first season of 24 I post here some random facts about Jack Bauer. I got them all from http://www.notrly.com/jackbauer/ but be warned that there are spoilers in that site for the rest of the seasons. These are my favorites and pretty much spoiler-free.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?
If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them."
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why? Because He's a pussy.
If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.
Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
G.I. Joe has Jack Bauer action figures.
When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
It is a known fact that when Time magazine awards "The Man of Year*", there is fine print on the bottom of the cover that says, " *besides Jack Bauer."
In order to control illegal immigration in the United States, the president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along the US/Mexico border.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
Jack Bauer once went into a bar, and asked for a 'Jack Bauer'. He received three shots of Jack Daniel's, a shot of kerosene and four shots of tequila mixed. When seeing this, another man approached the bar and asked for a Jack Bauer. He got a 9mm round to the face.
Jack Bauer teaches a course at Harvard entitled: "Time Management: Making the Most Out Of Each Day."
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.
My parents told my little brother and I that Jack Bauer was "just a television character". We are now orphans.
If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?
If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them."
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why? Because He's a pussy.
If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.
Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
G.I. Joe has Jack Bauer action figures.
When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
It is a known fact that when Time magazine awards "The Man of Year*", there is fine print on the bottom of the cover that says, " *besides Jack Bauer."
In order to control illegal immigration in the United States, the president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along the US/Mexico border.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
Jack Bauer once went into a bar, and asked for a 'Jack Bauer'. He received three shots of Jack Daniel's, a shot of kerosene and four shots of tequila mixed. When seeing this, another man approached the bar and asked for a Jack Bauer. He got a 9mm round to the face.
Jack Bauer teaches a course at Harvard entitled: "Time Management: Making the Most Out Of Each Day."
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.
My parents told my little brother and I that Jack Bauer was "just a television character". We are now orphans.
If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
posted by Oscar at 5:50 PM
2 Comments:
Sorry about the long-ass post.
Oh i Forgive you, you zen u, i pissed in my pants laffing at jack baurer. Then i got a 'sape' from out of nowhere.
Still cant figure out how?
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