I saw George Carlin last night....

on TV; and it inspired me to post another list. This time its a little funnier, its my list of my favorite George Carlin Quotes.

Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, “You show me a tropical fruit and I’ll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.”

Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place? There’s such balance in nature.

Catholic — which I was until I reached the age of reason.

If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

There You have it folks, those are my favorite George Carlin quotes. If you want post your favorite. or you can talk about the ones I posted. I don't care. I'm too busy thinking about...

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”