Should Have Worn A Kryptonite Condom...
I am assuming that by now everyone has seen Superman Returns. I know that when I am assuming I am making an ass out of U and some Chinese guy named Ming but seriously you have had 5 days to see what is clearly the biggest movie of the summer (estimated budget higher than even Titanic) and if you haven't seen it you lose all geek points. But if you haven't seen it then now is your chance to turn back without being completely spoiled. Are you gone? Good.
I thought the movie was awesome. It made me feel like I was was 6 and watching the original again. My one complaint is the kid. You know who I am talking about. Now I don't have a problem with the kid specifically. It was an interesting twist and they could have done a worse job with him. I mean I am tired of little kids in movies who are so much smarter than the adults despite the fact that they are four years old. This kind of kid has a place in some movies but not a comic book superhero movie. The problem I had was that the whole thing about the kid left me confused. I found myself asking the same questions as Banky in Mallrats. Did Superman and Lois Lane have sex? How could this happen without Superman's thrusts absolutely killing Lois? Shouldn't the force of Superman releasing his load be so strong that it would punch a hole through Lois' vagina (or mouth)? Would he have to wear a Kryptonite condom?
Anyway some looking on the internets has led me to the answer to a couple of these questions and now I will happily share my discoveries with you. Superman and Lois did have sex. Superman Returns is a sequel to Superman and Superman II. They chose to ignore Superman III & IV because there is widespread agreement that these suck. In Superman II, Superman gives up his powers to be with Lois (sound familiar, Carlos?). They spend one day together before they are attacked by Zod and Superman must reclaim his powers. While Superman was less than super, they had sex. And after he defeats Zod, Superman erases Lois' memory with a "magic Superkiss" (yea I don't get that either). The movie ends and roughly 5 years later the events of Superman Returns take place.
Pretty complicated explanation isn't it? Probably why it was left out of the movie. Good movie though. Can't wait till the next one.
P.S. I realize that this post was a dirtier than all my other posts but really I was just asking the questions Banky was asking in Mallrats.
I thought the movie was awesome. It made me feel like I was was 6 and watching the original again. My one complaint is the kid. You know who I am talking about. Now I don't have a problem with the kid specifically. It was an interesting twist and they could have done a worse job with him. I mean I am tired of little kids in movies who are so much smarter than the adults despite the fact that they are four years old. This kind of kid has a place in some movies but not a comic book superhero movie. The problem I had was that the whole thing about the kid left me confused. I found myself asking the same questions as Banky in Mallrats. Did Superman and Lois Lane have sex? How could this happen without Superman's thrusts absolutely killing Lois? Shouldn't the force of Superman releasing his load be so strong that it would punch a hole through Lois' vagina (or mouth)? Would he have to wear a Kryptonite condom?
Anyway some looking on the internets has led me to the answer to a couple of these questions and now I will happily share my discoveries with you. Superman and Lois did have sex. Superman Returns is a sequel to Superman and Superman II. They chose to ignore Superman III & IV because there is widespread agreement that these suck. In Superman II, Superman gives up his powers to be with Lois (sound familiar, Carlos?). They spend one day together before they are attacked by Zod and Superman must reclaim his powers. While Superman was less than super, they had sex. And after he defeats Zod, Superman erases Lois' memory with a "magic Superkiss" (yea I don't get that either). The movie ends and roughly 5 years later the events of Superman Returns take place.
Pretty complicated explanation isn't it? Probably why it was left out of the movie. Good movie though. Can't wait till the next one.
P.S. I realize that this post was a dirtier than all my other posts but really I was just asking the questions Banky was asking in Mallrats.
posted by Oscar at 6:51 PM
3 Comments:
On another note, Did anybody else notice Lois was not very Lois'y? She doubted herself and kept going to Richard for support. What kind of weak ass Lois is that
Wasnt Lois lane supposed to be a fast talking witty, do whatever i want, non chalent type person. What the fuck was this crap in Returns, and for god sakes she wasnt even hot...
i dunno....i liked the movie and don't remember the originals so i assumed they matched.
He takes her flying around in Superman. The first one. I think he mighthave done it again in Superman IV but I'm not sure.
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