Dianosis Summer Movie Preview 3 (The Finale)...
Again sorry for the lateness but its the last week of school and all my projects are becoming due and past due.
Before I covered movies that I was excited to see and movies that might be good. Now I am going to cover the movies that don't really look good. Now because of the fact that during the summer you usually only see one major release per week, it probable that I might end up watching some of these movies, but I am still calling it...
Movies That You Probably Couldn't Pay Me To See
1. Speed Racer
Now this has become an interesting choice lately. Its already hard to put this movie on this list because of the involvement of the Wachowskis (you can't call them brothers anymore since one of them had a sex change, no joke). These guys made The Matrix and V for Vendetta, but it becomes a whole lot easier to do this since they also made The Matrix Too and The Matrix Returns (or whatever they were called). But then, I find out that Ren went to a sneak preview of this movie and he says its good. So I might just give it a shot. Still I can't deny that it looks cheesy. And when you go from a cheesy cartoon to a cheesy movie and you actually make it look cheesy on purpose, that might be too much cheese.
2. Bangkok Dangerous
This is another movie that almost went on the maybe list because it is a remake of a Hong Kong action movie that is supposed to be good, but I've never seen it. Also Nicolas Cage has been disappointing lately (its hard to believe that he was a Ghost Rider fan after he ruined that character). But his movies never look that good so look for this one to maybe be a surprise.
3. Stepbrothers
I like Will Ferrel and though I have disliked a lot of his movies, I can see how some who maybe have ingested too many drugs might like them. But I really really dislike them. Another movie with John C. Reilly where he plays an ignorant man-child, its just not my cup of tea.
4. The House Bunny
Someone who is my cup of tea is Anna Farris. She is usually funny and attractive in a weird way ("attractive in a weird way" is my favorite kind of attractive). This movie, though, looks like another hot girl helps the socially awkward become less awkward and everyone learns a lesson. So I probably won't be watching it.
5. Sex and the City
I am not going to argue with anyone about whether this show is good. I didn't have HBO when it started and when I did watch it, it never did anything for me. I don't hate the idea of watching this movie but its just probably not going to happen.
6. Mamma Mia
Look, I like musicals. When I saw Chicago, I was surprised by how much I liked it. I watched The Producers and liked it. I'm even curious to watch Hairspray. So it has nothing to do with that. I can even appreciates ABBA's ability to make songs that get stuck in your head (whether you want them there or not). But the plot of a girl trying to find out who impregnated her mother, Meryl Streep, before her wedding. It just sounds too much like a cheesy french comedy. Not for me.
7. The Sisterhood Of The Travelling Pants 2
I have been accused of having the tastes of a teenage girl before (anyone watch Gossip Girl lately? anyone? Beuler?) but this is a sequel to a terrible movie for teenage girls who get off on girl power and sappy romantic stories. All the actresses in it could do way better.
8. The Love Guru
9. Meet Dave
10. You Don't Mess With The Zohan
Eddie, Mike, Adam, have a seat. You remember when you guys were in Saturday Night Live? Man those were the days. Sure, Eddie is the only one who ever reached the greatness of Bill Murray and Phil Hartman, but you other guys did some great stuff too. But at some point you all lost it. Adam, I think it was when you became a republican and started making fun of the gays and the foreigners. Mike, you lost it when you met Verne Troyer. I don't know how he did it, but that drunk midget sucked the greatness out of you and replaced it with a need to make a quick buck from doing funny accents. Eddie, I think, like Iron Man, you need a special suit to be great. Only instead of iron, your suit is made of leather. Try out that leather jumpsuit again. See if it still fits. Maybe do some stand-up. Say FUCK again. Its not that bad. Just please stay away from the rubber suits and multiple characters.
And the movie there is no way I am ever going to watch is...
11. The Longshots
Four words: "Directed by Fred Durst."
So that's the end of my lists. I think 6 good movies and 12 maybes is a good number. It looks like its going to be a good summer. Here's hoping I can watch all of these and I'll try to let you know what I think.
Before I covered movies that I was excited to see and movies that might be good. Now I am going to cover the movies that don't really look good. Now because of the fact that during the summer you usually only see one major release per week, it probable that I might end up watching some of these movies, but I am still calling it...
Movies That You Probably Couldn't Pay Me To See
1. Speed Racer
Now this has become an interesting choice lately. Its already hard to put this movie on this list because of the involvement of the Wachowskis (you can't call them brothers anymore since one of them had a sex change, no joke). These guys made The Matrix and V for Vendetta, but it becomes a whole lot easier to do this since they also made The Matrix Too and The Matrix Returns (or whatever they were called). But then, I find out that Ren went to a sneak preview of this movie and he says its good. So I might just give it a shot. Still I can't deny that it looks cheesy. And when you go from a cheesy cartoon to a cheesy movie and you actually make it look cheesy on purpose, that might be too much cheese.
2. Bangkok Dangerous
This is another movie that almost went on the maybe list because it is a remake of a Hong Kong action movie that is supposed to be good, but I've never seen it. Also Nicolas Cage has been disappointing lately (its hard to believe that he was a Ghost Rider fan after he ruined that character). But his movies never look that good so look for this one to maybe be a surprise.
3. Stepbrothers
I like Will Ferrel and though I have disliked a lot of his movies, I can see how some who maybe have ingested too many drugs might like them. But I really really dislike them. Another movie with John C. Reilly where he plays an ignorant man-child, its just not my cup of tea.
4. The House Bunny
Someone who is my cup of tea is Anna Farris. She is usually funny and attractive in a weird way ("attractive in a weird way" is my favorite kind of attractive). This movie, though, looks like another hot girl helps the socially awkward become less awkward and everyone learns a lesson. So I probably won't be watching it.
5. Sex and the City
I am not going to argue with anyone about whether this show is good. I didn't have HBO when it started and when I did watch it, it never did anything for me. I don't hate the idea of watching this movie but its just probably not going to happen.
6. Mamma Mia
Look, I like musicals. When I saw Chicago, I was surprised by how much I liked it. I watched The Producers and liked it. I'm even curious to watch Hairspray. So it has nothing to do with that. I can even appreciates ABBA's ability to make songs that get stuck in your head (whether you want them there or not). But the plot of a girl trying to find out who impregnated her mother, Meryl Streep, before her wedding. It just sounds too much like a cheesy french comedy. Not for me.
7. The Sisterhood Of The Travelling Pants 2
I have been accused of having the tastes of a teenage girl before (anyone watch Gossip Girl lately? anyone? Beuler?) but this is a sequel to a terrible movie for teenage girls who get off on girl power and sappy romantic stories. All the actresses in it could do way better.
8. The Love Guru
9. Meet Dave
10. You Don't Mess With The Zohan
Eddie, Mike, Adam, have a seat. You remember when you guys were in Saturday Night Live? Man those were the days. Sure, Eddie is the only one who ever reached the greatness of Bill Murray and Phil Hartman, but you other guys did some great stuff too. But at some point you all lost it. Adam, I think it was when you became a republican and started making fun of the gays and the foreigners. Mike, you lost it when you met Verne Troyer. I don't know how he did it, but that drunk midget sucked the greatness out of you and replaced it with a need to make a quick buck from doing funny accents. Eddie, I think, like Iron Man, you need a special suit to be great. Only instead of iron, your suit is made of leather. Try out that leather jumpsuit again. See if it still fits. Maybe do some stand-up. Say FUCK again. Its not that bad. Just please stay away from the rubber suits and multiple characters.
And the movie there is no way I am ever going to watch is...
11. The Longshots
Four words: "Directed by Fred Durst."
So that's the end of my lists. I think 6 good movies and 12 maybes is a good number. It looks like its going to be a good summer. Here's hoping I can watch all of these and I'll try to let you know what I think.
posted by Oscar at 2:25 PM
3 Comments:
Okay so Speed Racer was pretty good but keep in mind we saw it for free so that may have swayed our opinions. The story was average, but hey, it is a kids movie so eh, the acting was terrible especially when it came to Matthew Fox. He totally phoned it in. John Goodman and the monkey were the best performances by far. The reason I enjoyed this movie was because the visuals were AMAZING. I am still salivating over them. Everything was edited to give it more of an anime feel and it looked great. Just don't sit to close to the screen, you will get a bit of a headache from the colour overload. Oh and the kid that played Spirtle reminded me of the tubby kid from The Sandlot so that was neat. Oh and of course this movie has Rain (those who watch the Colbert Report will know who I mean. Dance off anyone?)
I can't wait for Sex and the City and look forward to seeing it at the Alamo with Cosmos. If your single you should come with me, you will meet a lot of girls.
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2? Really? Neto, you are a woman I swear. Oh I have started watching Gossip Girl. OMG did you watch this week???? Awesome ending.
The Love Guru looks like another lame attempt at Austin Powers which I thought was terrible enough the first time so I will skip that. Don't Mess With The Zohan looks pretty funny from the trailer but I don't know if I want to pay to see it.
Hey, I said I watch Gossip Girl but I wouldn't watch The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Those movies are silly romantic girl power crap. Like Fabio books for pre-teen girls.
I have one word to say:
RRRRAAAAAIIIIIIN!!!!!!!
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